FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN
The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is
at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates
are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.. We
have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place
is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance
examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it
before you can get into Heaven.'
Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.. But
nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test
ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.'
St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
How many seconds are there in a year?
What is God's first name?'
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day
and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have
had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.'
Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week
begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would
be Today and Tomorrow.'
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not
what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not
specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the
next one?' asked St. Peter.
'How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest,
'but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be
Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in
Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd,
February 2nd, March 2nd... '
'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with
this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in
mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us
go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'?
'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy.'
'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can
understand how you came up with your answers to my first two
questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name
Andy as the first name of God?'
'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt
it from the song,
ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'
Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And to pass it on to other folks.